Monday, July 30, 2012

How is a wedding planner to plan his own wedding?

There's the old adage that goes something like "You can give advice, but you can't follow your own advice". Okay, I may have ad-libbed there...but you get the point.

You see, I am fabulous at giving wedding and party planning advice.  I am even great at planning my own parties.  But the one thing I am not good at is listening to my own advice, especially when it comes to planning my own wedding.

Yep, you heard it right...I'm getting married!  Wedding bells will ring, wedding bells will chime!  I just don't know when.  No date is set, no venue is booked and there are no pin boards for inspiration.

Well over a year ago, the morning after New York State passed the gay marriage bill, my partner of 9 years asked if I would marry him.  Of course I said yes!

However, getting married isn't something I have always dreamed of.  Early on, as a gay man, I resigned myself to the fact that there was no way I would have a wedding.  It wasn't allowed and it really wasn't top of mind.  It's not to say I wasn't looking to live happily ever after with the man of my dreams.  That's something I wanted and something I currently have.  But getting married, having a big wedding with a party and a big cake and a big honeymoon; that thought never crossed my mind until that day Michael asked me to marry him.

So fast forward 365 plus days - I've helped plan and design over 10 gay weddings since New York State passed that bill.  Each one fabulous, each one magical, and each one a huge success!  And all the while planning for my clients I occasionally thought what it would be like to plan my own wedding.  And truthfully, that thought has overwhelmed me.  Yes, for the first time in my life I am overwhelmed at the thought of planning a own wedding.

After much soul searching, and many conversations with my partner Michael, neither one of us can say exactly what we want for a wedding.  We've talked about a big NYC bash but that seemed too daunting and just not us.  We then thought about a small destination wedding.  But where and what if no one came?  We've even entertained the thought of hosting a party in our own apartment.  But then that seems like, well, blah.  The bottom line is we've both come to the conclusion that while we want to get married, we don't know what we want.  We do know we don't want a big, star-studded gala.  And we know we want something low key, intimate, small and simple.

With the ten year mark right around the corner, Michael and I want to do something special, something that's us.  We just don't know what, when or where.  So, over the course of the next few weeks / months (maybe even years) I am going to chronicle how a gay wedding planner plans his own gay wedding.  Some posts might be exciting (is there a breakthrough in the future?) while others might be boring.  But the way I figure it, if I'm having trouble planning our wedding, then others are too.  And, if we can resolve our own problems, then that might just make me a stronger and better planner which can only help you.

Until next time....



  1. This is going to be GOOD. I'm staying tuned!

  2. Congrats! It's going to be a beautiful wedding I am sure. I wonder what the decorations are going to look like... :)

  3. maybe you could have bethany plan it ?

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  5. Wow! Shawn, congratulations to you and Michael. I'm so grateful for all the help you are giving to Derek and me as we approach our big day. Like you, we became engaged the day after New York State passed Marriage Equality into law. And like you two, neither of us gave much serious thought to ever getting married until then. Funny how it all makes sense once it all becomes real. So happy for you! Mazel Tov! Tom Wesdorp

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