Monday, June 21, 2010

"Bethenny Getting Married?"... Can She Trust Me?

When Bethenny’s assistant Julie called me it was about four weeks until the wedding day. I believe Julie found me on the; she looked at my web site, interviewed me over the phone and said she would set up a meeting for Bethenny to come to my office.  Before we hung up she said, “Oh there’s one more thing” this will all be filmed for Bethenny’s new reality show.

When she called I was shocked that I was even in the running to be Bethenny’s planner.  In the back of my head I was doing cartwheels.  I knew who Bethenny was from watching Martha Stewarts’ Apprentice and The Real Housewives of New York City.  I knew this was a great opportunity and I knew I would have my hands full.  However, when I found out it would all be filmed for her reality show it made me do a double take.  After hanging up the phone and talking with my partner Michael, I told him I didn’t think I would do it.  It was enough to plan a wedding in a short four weeks, but to be put under the microscope of TV was pushing my comfort limits.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready for something like this.

Michael and I chatted for what seemed like hours, I “slept on it” and next thing I knew Bethenny was in my office for our first meeting.  It was too good of an opportunity to pass up, it was a challenge and I knew if I could plan her wedding successfully in four weeks I could anything.

When Bethenny walked through my front door, it hit me and nerves took over.  Normally I don’t get nervous when I meet celebrities; I have always told myself that they are people who just happen to be in the spot light.  They put their pants on one leg at time, just like me.  As my father says…”their poo stinks too”…This was different, it was Bethenny Frankel one of the most loved housewives in the franchise history!  I knew she would say what was on her mind and not hold back; after all, that IS who Bethenny is. She tells it like it is, thus my nervousness.  I don’t always say the right things when I get nervous.  I become an idiot…not the most professional thing when planning a celeb wedding.

Julie had given me very little information about the wedding, so I had no idea what Bethenny wanted.  Due to her tight schedule we only had about 45 minutes in our first meeting together to discuss what normally would take two hours.  Further, she informed me that our time together in the coming weeks would be limited because she was trying to finish her book (amongst other projects she had on her plate).  As a wedding planner I really take pride in getting to know my clients, this comes with spending time with them.  It doesn’t come in 45 minutes, it takes weeks.  On average my clients are with me ten to thirteen months from contract until the wedding day. I had four weeks.  Already I was at a disadvantage in knowing who Bethenny really was, what her exact taste was, what she liked and what she didn’t like.

The meeting was off to a great start, I was being honest when I said I had never planned a wedding in four weeks, two months yes, four weeks NO. Several years prior I had been to The Four Seasons Restaurant to scout it out for another client, but I had never heard of the “famous” cotton candy.  Then there was the question that brought everything to a screeching halt.  Had I ever seen their cotton candy…, nope.  One thing I admire about Bethenny is she knows when someone is BS’ing her.  And she called me out without hesitation.  I will admit this was not the best way to earn a clients trust.

I do indeed come from the school of “yes”; I do not come from the school of “no”.  I rarely tell a client “no”, rather, I will tell them yes, then investigate and I work hard to make their request happen.  After all it is their wedding day.  I think the nerves of meeting Bethenny and only having so much limited time with her I mistakenly gave her the wrong answer.  I quickly realized I screwed up and it would take a great deal of work to regain that trust.

When the meeting concluded I had mixed feelings on how it went, but I had little time to worry about the rights and wrongs that took place.  I had to quickly find Bethenny and Jason a venue.  After much searching there was slim pickings, most venues were booked or were outside of Bethenny and Jason’s budget.  In my gut I knew the loft (white warehouse) was not what she wanted, but I couldn’t tell her there was nothing.  The loft was available, we could make it work within her budget and we could create a very classy New York City wedding.  The moment we walked through the door I knew this wasn’t for her.  She didn’t “love it”, she wasn’t glowing and I knew showing her the loft was a big mistake.  Again, my hands were tied…there were not a lot of options. When we sat down she made it perfectly clear that loft wasn’t for her.  For a product launch maybe, for her wedding, no!  Yet another strike! Although she didn’t say it, I could tell she was getting nervous that she hired me.

Prior to the site visit with Bethenny I had heard rumors she had limited family.  However, I didn’t know to what extent.  So often a client comes through my door and I have to ask are they a product of divorce, has a parent passed?  As a planner this is never easy, you’re sitting there discussing what should be a very happy time and then I have to bring it all down by asking about something so difficult.  Why do I have to ask these things?  Because there are so many things that are related to family when it comes to weddings. Who will walk you down the aisle? Will you do the Father/Daughter Dance or the Mother / Son Dance? Will dad be giving the champagne toast?  As your planner I also like to bring in personal tid-bits to make the occasion more special such as using heirlooms like a brooch in the bouquet, or a father’s handkerchief in a boutonniere or pocket square.

Yes, Bethenny did mention that she had “No Family”.  Was it that she was orphaned and literally had no family or was it that she just didn’t talk to her family?  Very often someone’s definition is different than yours.  So when I asked if she had heirlooms, that was obviously another strike.  In my mind, just because you have no family doesn’t mean you don’t have heirlooms.  How was I to know she had no heirlooms? How was I to know she wanted to forget her past? Perhaps it was none of my business and I should have left sleeping dogs lie. However, my job as a planner is to make my clients wedding as personal as possible.

When we left the loft Bethenny wanted to take me to the Four Seasons because she felt I just wasn’t getting it.  It’s not that I wasn’t getting it, it was that I had previously called the Four Seasons and was they only do one wedding a weekend and that Saturday was already booked, but they might be able to work something out for Sunday…the key word was “might”.  Julian was clear he would make no promises. 

When we walked into the Four Seasons it was obvious Bethenny had her mind made up, she wanted only one thing and that was to get married at The Four Seasons Restaurant.  She was not taking no for an answer.  That meeting was one of the most uncomfortable meetings I have had in my professional career.  You clearly see the stress and the uncomfortable feeling all over my face. She was adamant she had to have the restaurant no matter what the cost, no matter what I had to do to get it.  I think there was even chatter that I should sleep with Julian.  For me, that was NOT an option! 

With the time crunch of finding a venue and with all cards laid on the table I was no longer coming from the school of yes.  I was being honest when I said I would see what I could do, but I made no promises.  However, after our visit it was clear I had to make this happen and it was clear that if I didn’t “she would rip my balls off”.

When it came to the wedding dress, Bethenny wanted something classic that would show off the “bump” She wanted to embrace the bump and why not?  She was pregnant after all, a product of the love she and Jason felt.   When I met Carol, Jason’s mom, I immediately saw the joy she was feeling. She clearly embraced Bethenny and she clearly was a beaming mother in law to be and a grandmother to be.  There was love and it showed.  Bethenny was at ease in Carol’s presence and Carol was obviously the mother and family that Bethenny never had.  It was at that moment that I was able to know Bethenny just a bit more.  My nerves were settling.

And when Bethenny put on that dress, we all knew it was the right one, Bethenny, Carol, Amsale and I.  It was perfect and I finally understood Bethenny’s style and taste.  This was a clear moment for me and I had hoped the experience we shared would make the experience for both of us moving forward a bit easier.

What we covered in the first week we would normally cover in a month or two, and it was clear the wedding planning was taking its toll on Bethenny.  It was also clear I had to step up more than I ever had before.  For any critic out there, I challenge you to plan a wedding in four weeks, to get to know your client inside and out in 45 minutes and make absolutely no mistakes.  I challenge you to put your name on the chopping block, not many would do it, and it was way too late for me to turn back.

I may have been off to a rocky start, but I knew in my heart I was ready for the task at hand, I knew I was going to do a fabulous job and in no way was I going to let the stress win.

Two strikes for sure was there a third on the way.  Only time would tell if I could regain Bethenny’s trust...


  1. After watching "Bethenny Getting Married" I was inspired to check out your website. Your portfolio is wonderful. I can't wait to see what you do for Bethenny & Jason as the show progressed.

    I'm sure I would be an absolute basketcase if I was watching myself on national television, particularly if I was also performing my job inside a pressure cooker. So, for what it's worth, I think you're doing a good job. You come across very positive and endearing.

  2. I have to say I admire you for taking on such a daunting task and doing a fantastic job! I don't feel the animosity or "strikes" against you were fair. How the hell are you going to plan a wedding in 4 weeks without getting at least some information??

    I watched the scene with you vs. Cookie (aka Cujo) like 5 times and laughed my ass off every time. I died when you said "I don't like that bitch."

    I think you need your own reality show.